I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
I know her cup size but not her name....
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize