I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
