You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize