No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
