i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
