You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
