So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
