you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
