what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
