The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
So much Jack, so little girl.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Randomize
