Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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