i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I can't put those talents on a resume
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize