Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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