No awkward lesbian experiences without me
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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