Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
