If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
