I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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