I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
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