my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
