So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
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