I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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