I want to make a zoo with you.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
