i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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