Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
