I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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