It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Randomize
