Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
