I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
