Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
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