Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
