I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
