He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize