Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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