We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
