i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Randomize
