It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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