You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
