you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
