you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I touched a dick in church today
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
