She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
