I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Randomize
