Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
