At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Randomize
