dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
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