I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
