Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
