Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
