Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
