1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
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