why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Randomize
