Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize