I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Randomize
