So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
