It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Dick very happy bro
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
