it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
It was confusing and full of hummus
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
