We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
