I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
