Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
