i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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