My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
he wants to bone in the snuggie
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
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