Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
not ubering you a puppy
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
