There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Randomize
