A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Randomize
