I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
