Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
You dont lie about slip and slides
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
