im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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