woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
