Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
