just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
It was a blind-side dick pic.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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