Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
