Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
