He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
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