wanna go halves on a baby?
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Randomize
